What Ifs
by Cari7
Summary: When Angel and Wes are trapped together, Angel must confront the past or one of them won't make it to the future. Takes place during Season 5,deals with events from Seasons 3 and 4.Winner of the “Still His Girl” Simply Angelic Award.Disclaimer: I don't ow


**_WHAT IFS_**  
  
Angel sat down on one of the huge boulders littering the cave floor. Luckily they had already been there before the cave entrance collapsed.  
  
"You ok Wes?" With his vampire night vision, he could see Wesley just fine. Wes on the other hand was for all purposes blind in the nearly complete darkness.  
  
"Yes. How long has it been?"   
  
Angel rolled his eyes, glad Wes couldn't see it. It was the third time in thirty minutes he'd asked him that. "About an hour." Getting up, Angel went to the mass of rubble that had been the mouth of the cave. He listened intently but heard nothing. "They're not back yet." he said.  
  
"No... No, it hasn't been long enough." Wes said softly.  
  
"Not your fault Wes. Could have happened to any of us." Angel told him.  
  
"I was the one who researched the spell- the wrong spell- and so I take the responsibly."  
  
Just that morning, Wesley had come to his office saying that his department had located the hiding place of the Orb of Marapen. This orb was suppose to have the power to open trans dimensional gateways wherever and whenever the user wanted them opened. In other words, not something Angel wanted falling into the wrong hands. According to Wesley's source, it was hidden in a system of caves and protected by magikal wards.   
  
Wesley had been sure he had the proper spell to disable the wards protecting the small interior chamber that housed the orb. The moment Angel stepped inside, he knew Wes had made a mistake. The barely audible groan of earth and stone shifting came just before the deafening roar of the cave in. It was enough that Angel, with his vampire reflexes, could have jumped clear.  
  
But Wes had been inside by then, too far to pull back out, so Angel dove, knocking him further into the chamber. It kept Wesley from being crushed by falling rocks, but now they were both trapped. Luckily, Gunn and Fred had been outside.  
  
"Plenty of time to pass out blame later once we get out of here." Angel said. "And I'm sure it won't be much longer."  
  
"You're sure that they...?"  
  
"I told you, I heard them." Angel assured him. "I'm sure they'll be back soon. Before the air runs out."  
  
"What?"  
  
Angel smiled slightly. "I'm kidding."   
  
"Yes. Well, I'm sure it's funnier when one doesn't have to breathe." Wesley grumbled.  
  
Walking back to the boulder, Angel sat down and watched Wesley for a few minutes. "It's not your fault" He said again.  
  
Wesley was quiet.  
  
Angel sighed. "As far as being trapped, this isn't so bad. At least I'm not at the bottom of the ocean like last time."  
  
Wesley turned toward the sound of his voice. "Bottom of the ocean? When did that happen?"  
  
"Uh... It was... never mind. My point is, it could be worse."  
  
"I should have researched it more." Wesley shook his head slightly. "I should have seen that the combination of words didn't make sense for that spell. But I was so sure I was right. I was sure I was doing the right thing."  
  
Angel stared at Wesley. He suddenly felt cold all over. The image of his tiny son and Holtz disappearing into the Quor'toth blurred his thoughts. The pain and anger he'd been repressing for so long flooded his soul. "Yeh," he said through clenched teeth, "You thought you were doing the right thing."   
  
_Took what was mine. he thought. Betrayed me. Took the only child I'll ever have. Gave him to my enemy. Made it possible for him to hate me. Made me make this deal with Wolfram and Hart just so he could be normal again. Your fault Wes. Your fault.   
_  
Angel felt his face begin to morph and barely controlled it.  
  
"That's no excuse." Wesley continued, unaware. "What if we'd all been trapped or killed? What if the spell had done something, well, worse than collapse the cave around us? You can't be too careful with magik."  
  
_Sahjhan screwed with the prophecy but you believed it. Took my son, you son of a bitch! Took him because you didn't trust me. Thought you knew what was best for us all but you didn't know anything! Wanted to kill you. Want to kill you now. Could do it and no one would know.   
_  
Angel stood up and tried to get his thoughts under control. The rage he was feeling scared him because he knew what he was capable of. He walked to the pile of rubble and began to pull debris out with his bare hands.  
  
"Angel? I thought Gunn and ..."  
  
"Decided not to wait." Angel grunted. He had to get away from Wesley and soon. All this talk about mistakes was making him crazy. He knew that Wesley's betrayal hadn't been out of malice. He knew it had been done with the best of intentions. But on some level Angel was still enraged at him. And even the fact that Wes didn't remember what he'd done didn't help that.  
  
"I'm sorry Angel." Wesley said softly.  
  
Angel stopped digging. "What?"  
  
"I said that I'm sorry. I made a mistake. It's hard for me to admit it but I was wrong. I should have let someone else take a look at the information and the spell. Maybe they could have seen something I didn't. A way around the wards.... a way other than mine."  
  
Angel closed his eyes and pictured Connor wrapped in his little blue blanket. He thought about the first time he smiled and even about later, when he'd come back. It hadn't been the best of times but at least Connor had been there. He missed his son so much that sometimes, like now, it was an actual physical pain in his chest. He'd never forget what being a father had been like, but it was over. Nothing he did now would ever change that. The rage receded but the sadness remained.  
  
"It's ok Wes." he said finally. "Mistakes.... happen and I know that better than anyone. Sometimes you do things because they need to be done and there's no time to think about what might happen." He took a breath he didn't need and let it out slowly. "Can't dwell on the what if's. Unless you want all your friends to think of you as broody."  
  
Wes smiled in the darkness. "You stopped digging. Want some help?  
  
"No. Gunn and Fred are back. Sounds like they have a backhoe with them. Looks like we get to wait some more." Angel sat back down on his boulder. He took the Orb of Marapen out of his inside coat pocket. It glowed softly in the darkness.  
  
"The Orb of Marapen is quite a find." Wesley said. "I am glad we found it before someone else did. Easy access to other dimensions would be quite an asset to the more villainous minded. What are you going to do with it?"  
  
Angel stared at the orb. "I was thinking..... it would make a great paperweight." 


End file.
